Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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