Your tits are I can't wait for
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
