Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
