Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
