Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
