Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
