i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
so much tequila, so little girl.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
