I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
