I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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