So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
