tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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