dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
