fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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