Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
