i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
