He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
