It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i've created a new STD.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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