whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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