Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize