My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
