I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
