i barfeds in our rink
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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