Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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