I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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