proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
