she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
