i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
