; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
