I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
