Define "chronic" masturbator.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
