Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fuck appropriateness.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
