pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
