party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
