U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
