my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
