dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
