so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
