The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
