I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
