Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
