Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize