just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
