They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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