How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize