he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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