remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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