I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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