Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
