I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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