so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
