There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize