I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's just like the Real World with babies
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
