Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
