haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
