so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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