I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He kissed a someone with a penis
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
