What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
