She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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