I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
