So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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