Porn is love you can see.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
