the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
