I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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