Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
